I do not know what this will be.

I know what it could be.

I know that I will struggle with the difference between what it could be and what it is. That difference is something like a shame delta.

what’s left over after inspiration fades

I have some basic beliefs about myself which I think will color how I relate to thing.

  1. Ideas feel delightful.
  2. Ideas live everywhere. Lots of things are interesting. How can I connect as much as possible?
  3. Words matter. How much? I’m not sure yet. But also, talking is thinking.

Topical interests ebb and flow. Often there are many, often there are few. I do not know how to choose an exploration space for myself without just starting.

Outside of the shame delta, and the various inspiration hangovers I experience regularly, there is some other force, a nagging worry that says I need a structure. That I cannot “just start” because I will get lost without a road and map to guide my journey.

However, a pragmatic, unashamed force says that the structures will not come from planning but from doing. That the not-doing is of the shame delta, of all the forces that tell me why it’s safer to not try, why it’s fine to remain unsatisfied.