Previously, I was anchored on sharing as a way to get a new and more independent job. But I underestimated how much work it would take to share well, and my passion did not align with that amount of work.

I also have created shells for ideas, but didn’t have content. I wanted to make art, and to share it so I could commune with others in this way, but I was so eager to share and commune that I wasn’t able to sit still enough, or pursue a topic enough, to generate the content I needed.

Recently, I’ve been studying. Initiation, the art of holding space for others, depth psychology, creative process (over creative output). I have continuously thought about sharing, but I’ve done it recently in a more conscious way.

I believe I have had confusion about what sharing means to me. It’s a broad idea.

Sharing is not just billboards. It’s not veneer or appearance. Sharing is not the photo of the thing. The photo of the thing is incidental. I get caught up in presentation and framework sometimes. I think this is part of my training as a materialist. The shell is worth more than the meat late-stage capitalism.

Sharing is an output, but it actually doesn’t matter who sees it. If I’m the only one who sees it, the work was still shared.

Sharing is the effort of delving into some space. Of digging down deep into the dark, pulling out pieces, and putting them together into something modestly recognizable.

It is work manifested. It is a declaration of intention.

It’s self-discovery. Sometimes it’s done well, or artfully, and sometimes it seems very crude or embarrassing.

It’s the focused effot of creation towards a product that can be given, however humble or however polished. It can be given to many others or to ether only, but it has shape and essence and can be labelled as ‘done-enough’.

Sharing is, importantly I think, a process. It goes on and on, like a dance. It’s an active stance, one of habit or ritual or mode. Focusing on outputs and polish diverts from the dance and put attention on the description of the dance.

  • non-shareable outputs don’t count. they are part of the journey, but they aren’t the seeable output. Journalling or rough sketches are just the first layer.

  • i decide who and how to share, but i suspect that if i’ve created something as intentional content, that can be given, then it will be far less daunting. right now i’m afraid of sharing my work because so much of it is really rough or private

    • once it’s shaped into a golem
    • or a Cabeiri (a group of enigmatic chthonic deities)
      • what do these creatures do? take on lives of their own?
      • or a Cassandra

process is habits

habit cultivation as process-manifestor

  • how can I continue? how can i maintain the habit?

    • it’s easy to get thrown off for days in a row, you know
  • cultivating habits this year.

    • never been a habitual person, partly out of pride and largely out of overwelmed and stimulated personality
    • structure as a form of self-love: discipline is self-love
  • process notes are a reflection activity, not a fancy thing. helps me move forward into a habit of creating output

  • based on vision, what can i DO?

    • DAILY PRACTICE WITH PROCESS NOTES can help drive this
    • reading and reflecting on the reading can help drive this
    • meditation, i suspect, can help
    • NOT DRINKING AT ALL can help drive this
      • drinking is one of my key forms of distraction: a creative person’s distraction
      • what were the times when i didn’t want alcohol and felt fulfilled?
        • i had a compelling action, next step. i felt focused
        • sometimes thinking about how it will derail me also helps (makes me tired, not that tasty
  • From James Clear, and others surely: regular habits are so key! it’s not about amount of time but about reps: how many times did you do it? Experiment, but do lots of tries. Planning is a form of putting on failure

  • having the processing time daily to think on what i’m going to do–and then going and doing it–was powerful. endorphins. constantly checking in on that, on the path, on the steps. how am i doing? continually assessing

  • Also, there’s “motion” and “taking action”/doing the work. motion is activity, planning, etc. doing the work creates outputs. outputs IS SHARING.

    • sharing is so key and itching me fundamentally because it’s about doing the work, and that’s scary becuse it’s hard or unknown. sharing is a forcing function of doing the work, though we do want to have some kind of bar since we’re sharing in public.
      • how do we practice freely without shame? Persona?

Take space/make space

I wish to become a person who shares more freely.

I believe this will help me feel more satisfied with my personal growth and coaching work, and create more connections between the topics that most intrigue me.

I currently struggle with sharing and this creates blockages in and around me. After a lot of time spent not sharing freely, it feels progressively more stifling to keep one’s ideas in.

I do less work because I don’t push myself to polish pieces to a shareable state. I fail to consistently honor my promises to myself because I’m the only one who knows about them. I don’t build my community of like-minded intuitive scholars because I’m not letting anybody know that intuitive scholarship and depthy self-studies are my jam.

But I’m new to this. I’ll put it to a thought experiment.

How might a person who shares behave?

First: an experiment.

A person who shares more freely would explain on her new website—this very thing!— that she is building a sharing platform to house a chronicle of her explorations and experiments. If it feels scary to put this stuff out there (and it does), she will try this experiment anyway because who knows what will happen? She will, because she is also a conscientious person, keep the sharing safe. No trauma needed! She shares what feels right, while trying to stay close to that safe edge so she can learn.

So let it be said: this is an experiment. I shall share my thoughts here. I hope to grow in them. I hope to connect with others through them. I will feel my way along as openly as possible, holding this in balance with my need to feel safe.

Second, a dedication.

A person who shares more freely would keep a regular date with herself to work on the next piece, because she wants to keep sharing. She is a person who shares, and so she needs work to share. She works, she shares. She loves the work. Why not make it shareable?

She shares what knowledge or skills she has, areas where she is excited to learn more, and her ongoing questions. She does this so that others may also think on their own answers or find their own pathways. She lacks, as all people do, perfect knowledge, but she shares anyway. She will fumble, as all people do whatever their means of expression, with tone and pace and voice and content. She will share anyway.

She is good at finding connections between things, and she is excited to share those connections! What a cool world! Most excellent.

So let it be said: Expertise and learning go hand-in-hand. I will grow my new work here consistently and patiently, even in moments when I don’t feel like an expert. There is worth in sharing the journey and the process. This work is a practice.

Third, an offering.

A person who shares more freely would offer her services, because she is excited to grow her offerings. She is, after all, a sharing person. The services are an embodiment of the learning work, and should be practiced and celebrated also.

So let it be said: I can connect with you—you!—in a coaching capacity to discuss and process visions you have about living in a way that’s more fully in tune with your interior voices and more in tune with the human and non-human creatures around you. I support you and listen deeply to your ideas for growth and expansion that honor your integrity as a creature of the world. See the Sessions, Classes & Retreats page to learn more.

Allowing movement to happen more freely, resulting in a focus and power center. Image from page 85 of "Astronomy for high schools and colleges" (1881)