contents subject to whim, bashfulness, and change at any time.

I’ve been mulling on the arc, the theme, of this place. One notion was just “stuff that sparks”. Part of me says, “god, yes, it’s the only thing sustainable”, and another worried part says, “that’s loose and unsustainably vague. You’ll never get anywhere.”

I guess where I’ve landed is that I have a few really broad themes that I hope will get me started, and I can revise and tweak my trajectory a bit later as I develop a voice and rhythm.

So here are the theme ideas:

There’s the personal stuff.

Becoming a mom, being depressed about being a mom, feeling redeemed now and then as a mom, all the intersections of expectation and reality arising from that. Yeah, yeah, my kid is awesome and I love him so much but also, holy shit: why don’t more people talk about at length about the hardness of this?

There’s also my professional expertise.

I realized recently that instead of visual snapshots of websites and software, my opinions have become my portfolio. I’m that kind of designer now—an idea shaper, a direction-giver. Sweet…mostly. So how can I articulate and share notions about thought frameworks, interpersonal behaviors, and how those things intersect to facilitate interesting designs? I feel like I can add to that conversation, if there is one. Is there one? There’s gotta be. How can I use all the time I’ve spent in an office and shape it into something I own?

And then my swirling eddy of personal interests.

The raw material that I always thought would comprise my career as a storyteller, and which still is floating in bits and pieces in the soupy edges of my consciousness. How does that all fit in here?

I guess it all shakes out to growth, or maybe a yearning for regular old connection. Growing up, growing a kid, growing ideas, connecting with others, with myself, and on and on.

What I propose to actually do

In the spirit of a healthy creative exercise, this place tries to have constraints. A self-expression avenue that has some structure and therefore creates its own forward momentum.

The problem is that I can’t decide on what constraints to set. I cannot stay interested in my constraints long enough to act on them. So for right now, I think the only constraint is to just produce some work. Just get a little momentum going through output.

Just fucking do some work and publish it. Then we can talk about creative fiddle-dee-dee.

I can think forever on what I want to do, or just start out a bit disorganized. I think the latter is the better plan.

Otherwise, this will continue to be me, thinking about this project:

a tethered wheel rolling around its post repeatedly

Sharing is scary

It is scary to make a thing, and to share a thing, I think. There is so much good work, good writing, such smart minds out there. What if this is just a bunch of shit? What if my ideas are trite, on-the-nose, juvenile? I guess it’s possible, which feels intimidating. This project then is also about doing and sharing and feeling those feelings and maybe coming to terms with being a little more open, and just being a person despite all the stuff.