I do not know what this will be.
I know what it could be.
I know that I will struggle with the difference between what it could be and what it is. That difference is something like a shame delta.
I have some basic beliefs about myself which I think will color how I relate to thing.
- Ideas feel delightful.
- Ideas live everywhere. Lots of things are interesting. How can I connect as much as possible?
- Words matter. How much? I’m not sure yet. But also, talking is thinking.
Topical interests ebb and flow. Often there are many, often there are few. I do not know how to choose an exploration space for myself without just starting.
Outside of the shame delta, and the various inspiration hangovers I experience regularly, there is some other force, a nagging worry that says I need a structure. That I cannot “just start” because I will get lost without a road and map to guide my journey.
However, a pragmatic, unashamed force says that the structures will not come from planning but from doing. That the not-doing is of the shame delta, of all the forces that tell me why it’s safer to not try, why it’s fine to remain unsatisfied.